This is what happens…

…when you don’t wear a seat belt in a cab. Last Friday night, I was in a cab accident. My cab smashed into a van when the van turned in front of us in an intersection in Union Square. I wasn’t wearing my seat belt and smacked my face against the plastic that divides the driver from the passenger. Whoops! Don’t worry, thanks to modern marvels like makeup and ice packs and Sunchips (wait, what?) and Charles in Charge, I’m looking and feeling much better....

Mid-Week-Pop-Music-Pick-Me-Up 5/5/10

Good morning, friends! This week’s pick-me-up isn’t so much about the music but more about… laughing at awkward performances. Ke$ha, the one and only white girl (or any girl, really) with a dollar sign in her name, recently performed on SNL. Her song, “Tik Tok,” is terrible. That doesn’t mean I don’t know all the words to the song because I do. But I think we can all agree it is a terrible song. So when she performed on SNL, I didn’t expect much. In the end of it, I got so much more than a bargained for. If Ke$ha was European, I might let this performance slide. But she isn’t. She’s from LA. At least she’s patriotic? Maybe Miley Cyrus could borrow her cape for her next performance of Party in the U.S.A. I bet the astronaut dancers were thrilled they had to wear helmets that hid their faces. I’m not sure I could look people in the eyes and do the robot seriously. And what about that laser harp thingy? I wonder if that’s how all music will be played in the future. Seriously guys, “Does anyone ever stop and think maybe we are the aliens?” No, Ke$ha. Did you ever stop to think you might regret this performance? Are you brushing your teeth with a bottle of Jack again? Your breath must reek. That’s worse than milk breath. Enjoy. You’ll be doing the lazy arm robot dance for the rest of the day. Waking up each and every morning feeling just like P. Diddy (and sometimes Puff...

JKJ’s Fake Rumors 5/3/10

He Speaks: Did you see Conan on 60 Minutes last night? I’m sure CBS brought in their youngest audience…EVER. And I’m sure the older folks watching wished the interview had been with Leno but hey, you can’t please everybody. Fans are still with Coco but according to a survey I took with myself and a couple of stuffed animals in my apartment, 100% agree they aren’t with his beard. Shave, man! Heard on the Street: Steve Carrell has said that he will “probably” leave The Office which means fans will “probably” stop watching The Office. Money Well Spent: Paris Hilton went shopping over the weekend and reportedly spent $23,000 at one store. What the gossip website who reported this failed to mention was that the $23,000 was actually spent at Old Navy. She now owns about 45,000 new t-shirts, board shorts and flip flops in assorted colors that don’t fit well. Bad News: Just when I had all the straight male models in the world to myself, Halle Berry had to go and get all single on me. Not sure who dumped who but Halle Berry is back on the market. Ladies, man your men....