Sometimes Earth Day…

…tries to make me feel guilty so… I went green this week to stop Global Warming because it’s the COOL thing to do. Here’s what I did to contribute: 1. Instead of leaving the water on all night like I usually do in order to simulate the sound of a river, I purchased a CD called, “Nothing Like Sleeping to the Sound of Water in Order to Go Green and Stop AIDS” produced by Bono, endorsed by Oprah, and also recommended by the big guy upstairs. And by the big guy upstairs, I mean, Lloyd, the big guy who lives in the apartment above mine. 2. I decided to burn my trash rather than throwing it down the garbage shoot in order to save space at the dump. 3. At my “Go Green or Go Home” party, which was sort of a big deal, like P. Diddy’s 4th of July White Party, everyone had to wear green from head to toe and bring their own plates, silverware, and cups. Then we had a big water fight. 4. I put a sign above my toilet that says: “If it’s brown, flush it down. If you pee, let it be.” Just looking out for you, Mother Earth, until it’s not hip anymore or Oprah tells me to do something else. I’m going to go hug a tree now. Love,Jenna F.Y.I. I’ve been thinking that I’d rather heat up this earth as soon as possible. Winter makes me fat, pale and cold. Let’s get rid of...

Sometimes we celebrate…

…birthdays. Today is my little brother’s birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHUCK! Thanks for being you. And thanks for telling your friends that my blog is funny and that they should read it or be lame. You’ve always been so supportive. Let’s eat pie....

Sometimes I ignore pieces of paper…

…that are wadded up on the floor in my room but you see my room is so small that one piece of paper takes up all of the floor space. I’d been stepping on this paper to get from my bed to the door for about a week. I couldn’t remember where it came from or why it was there but I assumed it was just more of my poorly written notes. Eventually, I was feeling a little lazy so for my exercise, I bent down and picked it up. It was a list, sloppily written in pencil, obviously by me as I have pathetic left handed handwriting and use pencils. I read it out loud: “1. Two eyes that work relatively well in unison. No wandering eye otherwise it’s one eye on the face, while the other eye looks elsewhere and you keep saying, “Excuse me, I’m up here!” 2. Preferably not homosexual. I’m not ready for that. 3. Somewhat opposed to midgets (think about it) but would consider Ryan Seacrest. 4. Smart enough. 5. Has loving, non-racist Grandma.” The list sounded an awful lot like something I may have compiled during some kind of female bonding class/workshop/sleepover. You know, like, “let’s make a list of all the things we look for in a guy” and then talk about Seth Cohen for nine more hours. BUT then I noticed what it said at the top of the page: Criteria I’m looking for in Presidential Candidate Imagine, a month ago, I had the audacity to hope that I was going to vote for a candidate who had a Grandma...

Sometimes I am forced…

…to write papers about Second Life. Then I think about starting a Second Life. Then I realize that I still like my first life, a lot. Word up to all of my fellow first life lovers! (Not MY lovers but people who also love their first life.) Second Life is weird. If you have one, I won’t judge you but I will ask to see what your avatar looks like. I will also ask which dance club you like the best and attend most often in your second life. Then I will ask you to make your avatar go there when I am present. Then I will make your avatar dance like a monkey. Then we will see how many German transvestite avatars hit on you. Then I will laugh uncomfortably and feel slightly bad about your future social life....

Sometimes…

…I have so much homework that I can’t write new blog posts. At least that’s my excuse this week. I will have new posts by Friday, I swear…sometimes. But usually I only half-swear and it’s usually the last half of the word i.e. “..it!” or “..ck!” or “..mn!” or “…tch!” Whoops, I got distracted there. Lesson: don’t use the phrase “I swear…” Unless you are actually talking about the fact that you curse. New blog post(s). Soon....