I learned something while watching the Oscars…

1. According to a television advertisement, a piece of Extra Sugar Free Gum is the new low calorie “snack.” 2. Movies like Norbit can be nominated for an academy award. Norbit = Worst 10 minutes of my life. 3. I’m grateful I never saw Enchanted. 4. Strippers can be screenwriters too. BUT remember kids: respect your bodies and stay in school! Now do you think people really liked the way she wrote Juno OR were people just surprised that she actually wrote Juno? Alright, fine, I’m just being catty. Juno was a good movie. I hate the first 30 minutes. Actually Jennifer Garner made the movie for me. She should have been nominated. And…… I’m finished with my Juno speech. (I told you teen pregnancy was ALL the RAGE! When? See my previous post about 2008 predictions.) 5. One should never consume 8 Reese’s Peanut Cups shaped like eggs in one sitting. 6. By 11:00 PM, the Oscars should be forced to end OR a leprechaun should come out and do some kind of lively performance OR Britney Spears should make a speech OR Jack Black and the audience should play a rousing game of Heads Up 7 Up OR that girl from Miss Teen USA should be asked a question about immigration (like, such as, the Iraq…) OR Gob should do a magic show OR Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton should have a dance off. Any of these acts would keep me interested. 7. Nicole Kidman shouldn’t be allowed to move. Her head is so big, I’m sure it weighs more than the rest of her body, which...

If the ipod were a religion, baptize me.

For those of you who know me, you know that I am a BIG, HUGE, for those of you who still think this word is original, “GI-NORMOUS,” fan of the Backstreet Boys. They were the only boys who were there for me when I was 12 and even more painfully awkward than I might be right now. Every good BSB ballad is an angst filled tribute to love, usually bad love or love gone wrong, with a key change so intense, so powerful, it rips into your heart like Beaches, Steel Magnolias, Terms of Endearment and (spoiler alert) every other movie that Julia Roberts, or an actress similar to her, dies in. Their songs are more heartfelt than any episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, more emotional than an American Idol farewell montage, and more romantic than a sheepskin rug, the beach at sunset, OR late night runs to McDonalds. With the invention of the ipod, I have been able to carry my BSB collection in my pocket everywhere I go. I wasn’t a believer in the ipod when it was invented. I bought my first and only ipod in May of 2005 at NYU’s computer store. It was the strangest piece of technology I had ever operated. THEN, after I finally figured out how it worked, something amazing, something beautiful, something only someone with the same love of BSB could understand and I was an ipod believer. It was fall 2005: Insert dream like music. Dissolve to: Spring St. right outside the C/E Train exit I was coming home from a successful interview for a potential internship, this...

The Ninja Fund

On Saturday night, I went to dinner with my friends (not a joke) at a delicious Italian restaurant in Tribeca called Ivy’s Bistro. Mmmm, I ate off of every plate on the table except for Adam’s shrimp soup. And it’s not because you can’t eat soup from a plate either. He ate the soup from a bowl. Regardless, I can’t lie, the shrimp soup looked disgusting. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that to his face so I waited until now to say it. While I enjoyed some of Adam’s lobster ravioli and Sara’s meatloaf, we discussed how lame our eating habits are. I think I eat at the same three “restaurants” ALL THE TIME. It gets a little boring but I don’t want to waste money on food that might not be yummy and filling all in one. Anyway, during this deep conversation, Adam mentioned a restaurant called Ninja. He claimed that there are legit ninja warriors/waiters, serving authentic Japanese food in an atmosphere similar to a place where ninja’s might live(?). As you can imagine, for an experience like this, you have to be willing to pay. I am VERY willing to pay BUT I don’t have the money to pay. I’m not a “professional” like the rest of my affluent friends. So I decided to combine my love of eating with my desire for money and badabing-badaboom, I came up with this new money making endeavor to satisfy the hungry ninja within: Lately, I’ve been earning cash eating food that you shouldn’t eat regularly or ever. SO, I started The Ninja Fund. I am...

I reek geek.

Last night, a very funny comedian made fun of me because I looked especially white. Seemed pretty obvious to me but you know, whatev. I had to taser myself just now for using the word “whatev.” I think my favorite jokes are about food. Probably because I love food. I’m not a skinny girl but I’m not really fat either. I don’t really know where that leaves me. Chunky? Stumpy? Round? Jolly? Uncomfortable? It’s so uncomfortable going to a restaurant with girls who are insecure about their weight. They eat like they’re afraid of food. Like it’s some mysterious substance that they’ve never seen before. They move it around their plates to make it look like they’ve eaten as little as possible. Then they get mad at me because I’m not fat and I eat everything on my plate. I like to eat and I’m proud of it. Probably shouldn’t be. Guys might ask me out more often if I didn’t always eat off of their plate at dinner. That and generally ordering two meals and dessert is apparently a little over the top. I justify my over eating by drinking diet soda. I’ll have four hamburgers, super sized fries (doesn’t matter where I eat, I always ask for super size portions. “Half” portions? Yeah, right. “Half” salads? Are you on drugs?) and then I finish everything off with a diet coke. Last year, I had to stop eating dairy products. I got IBS due to stress. Those of you who know what IBS is…awkward for you! I’m Mormon and the only things Mormons are allowed to do on...