The Dumbest Movies I Saw in 2011…and more!
January 24, 2012, 3:00 pm

With the Oscar nominations announced today, I looked back on the year and realized that while I may not have seen all of the supposedly Oscar worthy movies, I did manage to see some of the worst films of 2011. What can I say? It’s a weakness.

The worst movies I saw:
Zookeeper
Beastly
Prom
Scream 4
The Dilemma
Monte Carlo (Ok fine, I sort of loved this one.)
Footloose

Then I thought, why stop there. Let’s look at the rest of my year in movies.

Movies I will see when they show up on Netflix:
The Roommate
Cowboys & Aliens
Rise of the Planet of the Apes (I would have gone in the theater but no one would see it with me.)
Reel Steel
Paranormal Activity 3
Tower Heist
We Bought A Zoo
New Year’s Eve

Movies you couldn’t pay me to see:
Sanctum
Hall Pass
Sucker Punch
Soul Surfer
Dolphin Tale
War Horse (I HATE horse movies.)
Puss In Boots (No way he deserve his own feature film.)
Jack & Jill
Happy Feet Two

Movies I was surprised I kind of liked:
I am Number Four
Jumping the Broom

Movies I Never Ever Ever Want To See Again:
Something Borrowed

Movies I still really want to see:
The Muppets
Hugo
The Iron Lady
cough *Twilight* cough

It feels so good to get this off my chest.

Love,
JKJ

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My dog isn’t the smartest dog on the block…
January 24, 2012, 2:20 pm

…but THIS dog is. Wow.

Love,
JKJ

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Candy Party!
January 24, 2012, 11:23 am

I wish I had more pictures to share with you BUT sadly, I didn’t have my camera.

On Saturday night, my roommate and I threw a Candy Party. The inspiration: we have WAY too much candy in our house and we wanted to get rid of it.  We invited a few friends for candy and games.

Here’s what the table looked like:

We served the candy in baskets, used Twilight napkins (meant to be eye candy) and gave toothbrushes as a parting gift.

We also handed out brown bags and ziplocks so people could fill up a bag of candy to take home.

Other than candy, I also made Pink Popcorn which is a recipe my Grandma gave me years ago. It’s one of my favorite recipes. Mostly because I think it’s adorable.

Grandma’s Pink Popcorn

2 Cups Sugar
2/3 Cup Top Cream (Whole Milk or Half & Half)
1/4 Tsp. Salt
1 Tbsp. White Karo Syrup

1 Tsp Vanilla
1/4 Tsp Red Food Coloring

*Cook sugar, cream, salt and syrup to 230 degrees or just under soft ball stage. Add Vanilla, add coloring, pour over 6 quarts of popcorn. Pour on wax paper, allow to dry.

Games:
We played “Candy on a cracker” which was inspired by Jimmy Fallon. Apparently he does something like this on his show except with all kinds of food. Basically, we took three candies, put them on a ritz cracker, blinded folded the contestant and made him eat the entire cracker. They then have to guess which candy was on the cracker. That was a surprisingly big hit.

We also played CANDY bingo. You can have your own boards made here.

And on the table, we had three jars of candy and everyone had to guess how many candies were in each jar. The closest guess took the entire jar home.

We ended up talking and playing another non candy related game leaving us no time to watch Heavyweights, one of my favorite movies of all time.

My friend Karli posted her toothbrush and chocolate covered raisin winnings on facebook.

Instagram makes everything look so much better. I should use it for my next headshot.

The party was a huge hit AND super easy to put together. I already owned all of the serving dishes, buckets, baskets, napkins, etc. What? I love the dollar store.

And lastly, in the background we had a Candy Playlist playing on loop.

Songs included:
Candy – Mandy Moore
Milkshake – Kelis
Pour Some Sugar On Me – Def Leopard
Tootsie Roll – 69 Boyz
Candyman – Aqua
Candyman – Christina Aguilera
Lollipop – The Chordettes
Sugar, Sugar – The Archies
The Candy Man Can – Sammy Davis Jr.

Love,
JKJ

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Wikipedia Blues
January 18, 2012, 4:13 pm

A list of everything I tried to Wikipedia today:

When did Robin Thicke start to sing like a sexy black man?

Is Vampire Dance-pocalypse a movie yet?

How many wives Newt Gingrich had

How many wives Anne Heche had

What year did Boy Meets World premiere?

How many pounds Oprah has lost in her lifetime

What IS cocoa butter?

Is Sinbad dead?

Is Fabio dead?

Is ska dead?

What is ska?

SOPA

New Guinea?

How much is a bajillion?

What is a buttload?

Who killed Rosie Larsen?

Dates of every Phish concert ever

Number of albums Aqua had

P. Diddy’s Mom’s name

Bop-it

Evolution

Science

Magic

Why is Anne Hathaway famous?

Rocky V

lyrics for “whip my hair back and forth”

What happened to K-Ci and Jo Jo?

Tupac Conspiracy

Moon Landing Conspiracy

Conspiracy Conspiracy

Immaculate Conception

WTF is celsius?

Joey

Matthew Broderick Cologne

What is balogna?

“healthy food”

famous fart jokes

To be continued…

What did you try to look up?

Love,

JKJ

Posted in jokes, life, Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Paula Deen has the diabetes: A Tribute
January 17, 2012, 4:48 pm

Oh Paula Deen, I can’t believe you have diabetes. Wait no, I can. But I’m sorry to hear about it. Enjoy the jokes I wrote at your expense. Love you, girl!

Paula Deen has diabetes??? I thought the heart palpitations I got from eating Paula’s food was because I loved it so much!

Type II Diabetes? That’s the good kind right? Like the good kind of cholesterol?

Diabetes! No problem. Just eat more butter and less sugar.

Paula Deen has only had diabetes for 3 years? I would’ve guessed longer.

Just replace the sugar in Paula Deen’s recipes with cocaine to keep that addictive quality. And you’ll lose weight too!

So Paula Deen has diabetes. So what. Doesn’t that just make her more relatable to her fans?

Wilford Brimley better watch out. Diabetes testing supplies could’ve just found their new spokesperson.

Paula Deen’s Recipes for Diabetes. On bookshelves now!

I don’t blame Paula Deen. This is sugar’s fault for being so gosh darn delicious! #yumyum

I’m going to make my favorite Paula Deen recipe for dinner tonight in honor of this tragic news.

Love,
JKJ

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Hello.
January 17, 2012, 3:11 pm

I saw this video on facebook this afternoon and loved it.

Hello from ant1mat3rie on Vimeo.

Well done!

Love,
JKJ

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Another Weekend in Chicago!
January 16, 2012, 11:26 am

You guys, Chicago has a lot of good things to offer if you can somehow manage to ignore the frigid winter weather. It’s NOT easy.

This weekend I experienced two wonderful things.

Minor League Hockey and Portillo’s.

Allan and I went to see the Chicago Wolves play the Lake Eerie Monsters. They lost. But they put up a good fight. Literally. So much fighting.

Top 4 moments at the hockey game:

1. We bought the “expensive” tickets and were in the 3rd row right behind the team. The tickets were $25. The view was awesome. We could hear the coaches and players yelling and screaming and swearing. It was magical.

2. Their opening ceremonies. I love knowing this happens every single time they play:

3. During the 2nd fight of the game, the stadium played Train’s song, “Hey Soul Sister.” I always hated that song…until I heard it played over a raging hockey fight.

4. The Cheer-skaters. In between each 20 minute period, 4 frumpy girls would come out on the ice and try to hype the crowd. They were a little busted, particularly one of them. Of course, she was the one with the most enthusiasm. It was painfully awkward. Does no one love her enough to tell her to stop?

And then after the game, there was Portillo’s.

You guys, Portillo’s might be the most delicious food I’ve ever tasted. Forget all other fast food you’ve ever had. The Italian Beef with hot peppers, Jumbo Hot Dog with everything and the chocolate cake shake are unbelievably delicious. However, I just started a diet. So goodbye deliciousness. Thank you for the memories. #delicious #delicious #delicious

Love,
JKJ

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