Sometimes...

...I work on other projects while my website is still under construction.

SO dear readers, how are you at listening? I recently started a podcast called, Spam Radio, with a friend of mine. His name is Shawn. He thinks he's smarter than me. Which he is. But I'm prettier which...oh wait...that gets me no where in this equation. OH NO, HE IS SMARTER!

Tune it to our podcast to hear what I sound like all hopped up on Excedrin. I caught Shawn ripping off my tweets and at one point, I teach Shawn a new definition of an old word. We also spend a small amount of time ripping on blind people who play video games. So sorry about that.

You can check out our podcast at http://spamfm.com OR subscribe it to on itunes.

And don't forget to become a fan on facebook!

Love,
Jenna

OH MY GOSH It's November 11th...

...I haven't blogged for far too long.

I have good excuses, I really do. BUT I won't bore you with them.

Well, maybe I will.

I'm in the process of revamping my blog and by revamping, I mean, I'm leaving the blogger behind! I'm going full blown website, people. There will be pictures and videos and songs and blogs and MY PODCAST...ALL coming soon to YOUR COMPUTER!!!

In the meantime, I'll try to post here and there but please, please be patient.

I love you all.

Love,
Jenna

If you need a little more Jenna in your life, feel free to follow me on twitter. www.twitter.com/jennakimjones

Sometimes Halloween...

...is about so much more than ghouls and ghosts and girls dressed like scanky firewomen. Like this video, made by my friend, Collin Mapp.

I enjoyed it and so will you.



Love,
Jenna

Sometimes Wild Turkeys...

...attack! They're fierce.



Why is this so funny?

Love,
Jenna

Jenna Kim's Fake Rumors 10/26/09

The Miracle of the Hudson: The World Series starts tomorrow...maybe. It's pouring rain today in New York City and according to weather.com it's going to keep raining. Maybe Kate Hudson could stop the rain? I mean, she's turned A-Rod into the superstar baseball player Yankees fans hoped he could be so perhaps she knows someone in Mother Nature's offices? Rumor is, she's nearly persuaded A-Rod to convert to Buddhism. Now, I don't know about you but I didn't realize she was such a spiritual giant. I did not get that vibe from her in How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days. (She better not mess with his heart in the next few weeks or New York City will NEVER forgive her. There will be riots.)

Lohan Unleashed: After partying too hard (and stealing a fur coat), Lohan was banned from many New York City clubs. The ban was recently lifted and she's allowed back in. Those clubs must be struggling and need a little publicity because I can't imagine any other reason to let her back in. Hide your coats, ladies, because it's cold outside and I heard Lohan is in the market for a new one.

The Hills Have Boyfriends: Kristen Cavallari, the new star of The Hills (the old star of Laguna Beach: The Real O.C.) has a secret off camera boyfriend. I personally hope it's Stephen from Laguna Beach (Suck on THAT, Lauren Conrad!) though I think it's someone we DON'T know. The Hills' producers are NOT pleased. And here's what I say to them: RELAX. WE ALL KNEW THE SHOW WAS FAKE BEFORE IT EVEN STARTED. I wasn't exactly shocked to find out she had a real life boyfriend. The only reason that the show isn't 100% scripted is because the cast doesn't know how to read and can only remember so many words.

My Weekly Smelly Person Rant: Katy Perry, the Lady-Kissing-Hot-and-Cold-Diva-Queen, turned 25 this week.

Did you know she's dating that?

Russel Brand smells.

Now I usually don't like to cast judgment on the person another person chooses to date since I, myself, don't exactly have a great dating track record. Not to mention, I hang out with a lot of comedians, so I'll probably end up dating one of them which is absolutely fine as I completely accepted the fact that I wouldn't marry a physically attractive man a long time ago. BUT Russell Brand is the least attractive comedian I've ever seen. He looks like he smells like a dirty boys dorm room all the time. The smell of alcohol, weed, sweat, pizza and farts are all trapped up in his skinny jeans. Guh. I'm going to be sick.

Two Oranges on Two Toothpicks: The Olsen twins have a few fashion line coming out at JC Penney. I looked through some pictures of the twins and their clothes and I can't remember what any of the clothes look like because I was so focused on their massive heads. I hope they sell hats in size Mary Kate and Ashley because I'll finally be able to find a hat to fit my giant noggin'.

Hot Water on Set: A production assistant on the set of Channing Tatum's new movie accidentally poured a pot of boiling water over the star. Being a production assistant myself, I can't tell you how that story made my heart sink. I'm sure he or she was fired immediately and has yet to recover from the idea of possibly scarring one of the most attractive men in the movie industry. Hey, if Channing can sing, maybe he can star in The Phantom of the Opera?

Love,
Jenna

Mid Week Pop Music Pick Me Up 10/14/09

Introducing JUSTIN BIEBER

Aaron Carter wishes he was Justin Bieber. Booyah.

This kid's 15, he's got a cute little voice (which will hopefully not change too much after puberty) and girls love him. His single "One Time" is catchier than those stupid freecreditreport.com commercials but thankfully, Justin's a lot less annoying.

The Best Parts of the music video, "One Time:"

1. Justin is house sitting for Usher.

2. The video director does a great job hiding the fact that Justin's love interest is at least a foot taller than him. He must be a little guy because she is always leaning or sitting next to him. Girls are always bigger than boys at that age. Trust me, I have an entire journal from the 8th grade complaining about it.

3. I still think he sounds like Miley Cyrus sometimes.

Now watch and enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-qQdw7Xpv4

And if you're wondering how to say his last name, it's pronounced Beeber, not Biber. I hope his fans call themselves Bieber Girls. He should wear a beeper and call it his Bieber.

It's Bieber time!

Love,
Jenna

Jenna Kim's Fake Rumors 10/12/09

It's been a while. You missed the rumors. I know.

I'm getting old. How is it possible that I don't know who Justin Bieber is? Maybe you're saying to yourself, "Justin who?" Well apparently he's the newest hottest 15 year old pop singer; signed by Usher and breaking preteens' hearts everywhere. I was upset that I, the queen of pop music (a self imposed title - it's up for debate, I agree) don't know the singing sensation. I immediately youtubed his very popular single and realized I had actually heard this adorable song before. "One Time" is catchy and charming and up until I saw the music video, I was sure it was a Miley Cyrus original. Whoops. Sorry, Justin (and Miley).

Speaking of Miley, the true Disney Princess, recently cancelled her Twitter account. Courtney Love also cancelled her account because if Miley can quit tweeting, she can quit tweeting (and cocaine). According to Ms. Miley, twitter was a waste of time and though I agree, it also sounds to me like she's trying to go from girl....to....woman and shed anything that might make her appear too young. Uh oh, don't do it Miley. We don't need any Britney repeats. Heaven forbid you end of up stealing fur coats like Lohan. Miley might already be on a downard slope. She was seen eating at Outback and left...without leaving a tip. Maybe she had a bad waiter? Maybe her awesome blossom wasn't so awesome? Who knows...I'd suggest not eating at Outback, if you ask me.

In Lohan family news, Michael, the father of the red headed firecrackwhore (yowsers, that's a catty thing to say), has been hanging out with Jon Gosselin. Oh come on, Jon! You want people to be on your side? Believe your whole "Kate is abusive" line? Don't hang out with a notoriously bad father. The two of them have been sitting around exchanging stories of how misunderstood they are while they try on each other's Ed Hardy apparel.

Lastly, it turns out that Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are related! Ben is Matt's father? Nope. Matt is Ben's half brother? Try again. Ben is Matt's grandma's sister's cousin's daughter's son? Close. Ok I'll tell you. They are tenth cousins one removed! Are people even related at that point? I'm probably their tenth cousin as well. The entire cast of The View are probably related to them as well. Barack Obama is probably related to them too. In fact, we're all probably related to Matt and Ben (though hopefully closer to Matt).

That's it for this week. Thanks for reading, you big nerds.

Love,
Jenna

Sometimes I get a little distracted...

...okay, fine, I'll take a break from watching the Backstreet Boys new music video and blog for you lovelies.

So Barack didn't win the Olympic bid for Chicago. WTF? Have you had Chicago Style pizza? It's worth it, world, I promise. But fine, whatever, they are having the 2016 Olympics in Rio...(I'd spell the rest of it out but that might require a dictionary...I'll pass...this whole half word trend is good for something. It's the perfect way to avoid spelling and still sound hip.) Rio, ol' Rio. I wonder how they won. Perhaps the Olympic committee figured out some kind of formula that could estimate the number of stabbings that could potentially occur in Chicago and Rio during the Olympics and Rio won by a few less murders. In any case, like any good friend would say comfortingly, Chicago, if they don't want you, you're obviously too good for them. Let's go get facials and read "O" Magazine.

Lauren Conrad, star of Laguna Beach: the Real O.C. and most currently, The Hills, "wrote" a book this year about a young girl who lives in L.A. and works in fashion, titled L.A. Candy. I know what you're thinking and I definitely thought the book was about cocaine and who knows, it could be. I haven't read it but I'm pretty sure it's just another version of Lauren Conrad's so called life. Nothing in that girl's life is real. Someday she is going to wake up and realize she has zero talent and no real friends and it's going to, uh, pardon my language, suck. Does she even have parents? Or is she some kind of robot that MTV created out of nothing? Yes, that all seems harsh and she probably has feelings so I shouldn't say any of this. I'm a jerk, I get it. Anyway, her book is going to be turned into a movie. I wonder who will star in it? Honestly, I'm hoping for Lindsay Lohan. That way the movie will be turned into an ABC Family Original and I can watch it with my friends for free while eating pizza rolls on my couch. That's right TOTINO'S PIZZA ROLLS! Hey, at least my life is real. Whatever, I'm normal.

How else can I talk about pizza in this post...

I met Slim Thug (see video below) on Friday at work (because I have a sweet job). It was my first and could be perhaps my only experience on the set of a rap music video (produced by The Daily Show). I also got a glimpse into the life of a video vixen. You know, those girlies who dance around in rap videos? Yeah, they exist. It's a profession, apparently. And those girls, wow, they know how to move in heels and spandex like I've never really seen anyone move before. It was intimidating. And gross.

Also, Slim Thug doesn't eat pizza. I know that to be a fact. He is prone to high cholesterol, though I probably shouldn't be spreading that around. It could be his only weakness and he doesn't want his nemesis (who I hope is named Fat Thug or Chubby Thug or some variation of that) to find out. I just had to figure out some way to tie pizza into this! Overall, he was a nice guy.

My coworker offered me $300 to be a "rap ho" (That's what they're called, I'm not being judgmental!) for Halloween. Tempting! Though it seems like those "dresses" they wear might be a little cold. Also, I'm not sure they make them in size "white girl butt."

You've been a great audience, thanks for reading. Be a real audience this Wednesday at Stand Up NY. Details in previous post below.

I like you but not as much as Letterman likes his female staffers. Zing! I'm actually pretty weirded (not a real word, by the way) out by the whole situation especially since I worked there for a short time. Making light of it kind of freaks me out/makes me sad. I take it back. Guh, I hate my guilt complex.

I've got to stop writing late at night.

Love,

Jenna

P.S. Brian of the Backstreet Boys came down with the Swine Flu. If the Backstreet Boys aren't immune, none of us are. Wash your swine, people. And your hands too. Oink!

The Octoberfest Comedian Showcase!!!

Please come out to the ALL-STAR COMEDIAN SHOW @ on WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 7th At 8:30 PM at STANDUP NY COMEDY CLUB (78th and Broadway)

This show will be one of the best of the year featuring comedians from MTV, COMEDY CENTRAL, HBO, LETTERMAN, LAST CALL with CARSON DALY AND CONAN O"BRIEN.

BOB DIBUONO: MTV's "TRL", FOX'S "Red Eye", SPIKE TV, Jim Bruer Unleashed on Sirius Satellite Radio
http://bobdibuono.com/

JOEY GAY: NBC's "Last Comic Standing", Comedy Central
http://www.comedycentral.com/videos/index.jhtml?videoId=86843

ERIC LYDEN: CBS's "Comics Unleashed".
http://www.ericlyden.com/

VIC HENLEY: Comedy Central Presents
http://www.vichenley.com/

Jenna Kim Jones: Competitive Eater as seen at most fast food joints in the Midtown Area, Hottie Extraordinaire, Acclaimed funny person by her Doorman (occasionally) and a cab driver (once).
http://www.peopleofwalmart.com

Please call and make a reservation by MONDAY, October 5TH at 212-595-0850

Admission is $15 per person with a two-drink mimimum.

It's a "fest" in October! How could you say no??? GREAT! I'll see you there!!!

Love,

Jenna

Sometimes Obama is too smooth...

...and he comes off like his statue at Madame Tussauds Wax Museum in Times Squares.

Relax, man!

Barack Obama's amazingly consistent smile from Eric Spiegelman on Vimeo.

Love,
Jenna